It just feels weird.
6/3/2012 8:24:00 PM
I want to begin by saying thanks to everyone who has sent along their best wishes. It has been truly overwhelming. I have enjoyed each and every email. Sorry for the randomness of the thoughts, but I can't seem to put a decent group of thoughts together.
Weird. That is the only word I can use to describe the past few days.
Once I found out that my birth certificate was a partial fabrication, there were parts of it that were real. Oddly enough, there was enough information to track it down to one person and one person only. I have seen her high school yearbook photo, I have asked people what they think and everybody agrees it looks a lot like me. Matter of fact, I am looking at her picture as I write this. I feel so numb about it and that kind of scares me. It is odd becuase I have a sneaking suspicion that my aunt may have actually known her family through the type of work that they did. I am waiting to speak to my aunt about it.
I have a third party reaching out to this woman to see if she is my birth mother, but he has yet to actaully speak with her. If he doesn't hear from her, I guess I will have to write a letter.
I can't begin to imagine what may go through her head. I can't believe what has gone through my head. Today has got me down. I have tried to keep myself busy, but today I just keep going back to it. I have been a miserable person to be around. I have just been very short with every answer. I don't like feeling this way
I wish I could actually put into words the way I am feeling but I don't really know what I am feeling
I want to do more searching, find out more information, but I know I have searched everywhere I can. I have googled her name hundreds of times. I have searched out her family on ancestry.com over and over again. I actually looked up her family tree and attached myself to it. I have since pulled that down. I was letting myself get carried away. I have the tendancy to do things that way. I have actually searched places that she would know who I am. I didn't even think about it. I hope she doesn't find out that way
I am going to bed for the night. I suppose I will find out when I am supposed to find out.
If you are the woman that gave birth to me, and you are reading this, I am sorry that you found out this way.
I look forward to the day when I can tell you with 100 percent certainty that I found her.